Wednesday, November 3, 2010
At the age of 68 I've finally said it out loud. I'M AN ARTIST!!
I hope I didn't offend anybody. I have this nagging feeling that I'm really a fraud. I really shouldn't call myself an artist. I'm a fake!
That's been going on in my head all these years.
From the time I was old enough to hold a pencil in my hand and draw pictures on the back of a calendar page I wanted to be an artist. I wanted to be able to capture beautiful things on my paper. I wanted to splatter paint on the paper and have someone else admire it, or crayons. Admiration, as everyone who has ever created anything knows, is very important to the creator.
So I struggled for years because nobody said "You're fabulous!". Nobody has offered me a showing at a famous gallerey. In fact no one cares.
BUT........does that stop me from being who I am? and what I am?
After much soul-searching (I've had a lot of time) I realized that an artist is not because other people say you are but who you say who you are. If you look for the beautiful color, the certain slant of a leaf, beauty in other people's faces. If you love to have your surroundings beautiful, not for others so much as just having it beautiful to see in your own eyes. If each act of your life is determined by the beauty of it and how it can be masterfully and beautifully done, if disappointment comes your way much of the time because you share it alone, doesn't this mean you're an artist?
I think I think too much. I am the artist of my own life.
You're welcome to come along if you want, I'd love to have you. Diane